Do I know you?

Over the past few months, I’ve been wrestling to find the answers to a few very basic questions. Most people probably have all of this figured out for themselves by the time they leave school. Me, however, I can honestly say I have never even remotely known the answers to any of these questions. Ever. At any point in my life. Here they are;

  • Who am I?
  • Who do I want to be?
  • What makes me happy?
  • What is my purpose?
  • What do I want to achieve?
  • Where do I want to be in 5/10/20 years?
  • What am I passionate about?

How would I even begin to answer all these questions if I can’t even answer the one which I am supposed to know the answer to instinctively? Who am I? Needless to say, the realization that I have no idea who I am set me in a spin. All pretense of happiness suddenly blew away, and I was left feeling empty, without purpose or direction, and most profoundly, I felt lonely. I no longer had myself to keep me company. Who am I? I am nothing.

For quite some time I spent my days wallowing in self-pity. I kept my thoughts spinning in negativity, constantly bad-mouthing myself (turns out I’m pretty good at it), and playing the victim card. There seemed to be no way out of this sad and pathetic state. Then it hit me. “State.” It’s a state of mind. For as long as I allowed these negative thoughts and emotions to replay in my mind, I will remain just so; Negative and unhappy. So I decided to stop giving in to myself and the habits of my mind. I made the decision that brought about so much more than I could imagine.

With this one moment of clarity, I was able to isolate the rotten tooth, the bad seed which was causing so much dismay and stagnation in my life. I started doing my research, and it soon became apparent that this was going to be a hell of a fight. Me against me in round after round of no holds barred wrestling. So I did what any self-respecting woman would do in this situation; I poured a glass of wine and got to the research. After all, you stand a better chance of winning if you know your opponent. Here is what I learned;

You are not in control

Studies have shown that our minds wander about 47% of the time, which means that for almost half of the day, you are not present in the moment. To top that off, your brain repeats old thoughts about 98% of the time, and about 80% of those thoughts are negative.

A negative mind fosters a negative life

Given the science of thought mentioned above, it’s no surprise that negative thoughts will lead to an unhappy life. Every bit of information we take in each day from the countless media sources available to us on the internet shape our lives, whether we like it or not. How many of the headlines in the newspaper are negative; How many articles in your news feed; How many of the conversations you had today?

Here we are

Your environment plays a more significant part in how you perceive yourself and your life than you think. In most cases, we allow ourselves to fall prey to our circumstances and surroundings, and we limit ourselves to fit into the bounds of this illusion box. Where you are physically will shape where you are mentally. It takes conscious effort to separate the two.

Over the next few weeks, I’d like to take you through each step in my journey thus far on finding solutions to these roadblocks. It is my hope that I can guide you through your struggles by sharing mine in the most open and honest way I know how. Until then…

Love,

Angelique

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